Nessiel Orren

[ness]

NessielArwen
Orren

I was born as Nessiel Arwen Orren and i have lived for fifteen winters. Behind my keyboard i am known as Ash And I've been playing this game for 2 years but you might know me better as none so far

I'm not a dwarf! I'm a girl.

Name: Nessiel Orren
Nickname(s): Ness, Nessie
Age: Fifteen
Gender: Female
Social Class: Upper class
Occupation: ex-playmate to Prince King Caspian, but she still lives in the castle.
Race: Half telmarine and half dwarf
Martial Status: Single
Sexuality: Straight
Face Claim: Sarah Bolger

Can you make me taller?

Hair: Dark brown
Eyes: Blue
Height: 5'2"
Weight: 125lbs
Skin Tone: Pale
Body Type: Athletic
Distinguishing Marks: None, really
Clothing: Usually Nessie wears long dresses, mainly in red and green. She only wears pants while riding or doing some other activity like that. She wears boots mainly, but on special occasions she wears slippers. Nessie only has one pair. Generally, her cloth's are modest.

Overall appearance:Nessie is a pretty young lady. She had long brown hair that she wears in a braid, up in a bun, or down in naturally wavy ringlets. Nessie has lovely, pale blue eyes that have been known to pierce people and make them feel as though they have to tell her there secrets. She's very short for her age, and it doesn't look like she'll get any taller. Being five feet and two inches for the rest of her life has made her not like her half-dwarf-ness.


You wouldn't believe us if we told you, sir.

Family situation: Both parents are dead.
Father: Sir Carth Orren died of a disease a few months ago.
Mother: Artemis Orren died in child birth.
Siblings: None
Extended Family: None that she knows of.
Full History:
Nessiel Arwen Orren was born to the Telmarine Sir Carth Orren, and his wife, Artemis Orren, a dwarf. No one at the kingdom knew about the two's involvement with each other, so Carth told everyone he had found baby Nessie one day while riding. People believed it, and she was treated as his adopted daughter.

When she became a bit older, she started playing with Prince Caspian. He was five years older than her, but she didn't mind. Nessie had lessons from his tutor and was content. That is, until Miraz had a son. Caspian was forced to flee, an seeing as Nessie was only twelve or so at the time, she decided to stay. She was for the Narnians, but she knew she wouldn't be any help with the fighting.

A few weeks after Caspians escape, Nessie was accused of Treason and sent to a prison. She wasn't kept at the castle, but instead taken to a small house a few miles away and kept under lock and key until the war was over. Then, she was released and freed.

She decided she wanted to learn archery after the whole ordeal. In case there was every a war again, this time she would fight. Nessie did learn archery, and is quite skilled at it. She practiced twice a day, right before lessons and right after. Nessie also goes exploring. She's met a lot of the Narnians and gets along with them.

When another war broke out, Nessie didn't hesitate to join sides with the King. She defended his choice to send for the Kings and Queens of old and stood by it. Now, she will finally meet these Kings and Queens she's been told so much about.

I wished you'd all stop acting like grown ups

Full Personality: (include straighths, weaknesses, flaws, habits etc at least two paragraphs 150 words in total)
Nessie is a really feisty girl. She stands up for what she believes in and doesn't let others get in her way. Some of her strengths include her fierce loyalty, her bravery, and her skills in archery. Nessie's weaknesses are that she's very stubborn, she can be rude, and or course, she sometimes doesn't know when to give up. She's not very sensitive and can hurt someones feelings without meaning to. Also, she's not good at sucking up. If she doesn't like you, you'll know.

Of course, Nessie does have her sweet moments. If she cares about you, then she's willing to do anything in the world for you. She'll be the first to stand by your side and help you with whatever you need help with.

Her flaws would be her moral character. She doesn't know when to quit so she's quite determined. She will do whatever it takes to help a friend, even if it means it might her herself along the way. Some people see her as selfish, but she's really selfless. Nessie's a bit reckless. Sometimes she makes foolish choices without thinking things through. It has been known to get her into big trouble with others.

She's got a weird habit of running her hands through her hair. Nessie does it a lot and it makes her hair even more messy. Also, whenever she gets excited, she talks really fast and stutters a bit.

At least we know that some of you can handle a sword
Rp-Sample:

"Come on!" Nessie shouted. She had been stuck in the house now for two weeks. She had counted by making a little mark on the wall right before she went to sleep each night. Nessie knew she couldn't take much more of this. She hated being inside. It made her feel closed in and trapped.

The house wasn't that bad, well not as bad as it could be. It was sort of dirty, and it only had one room. The room itself wasn't very pleasant. It had no windows, so she couldn't see outside and it was very dark. Nessie slept in one corner and ate in another. The other two corners were used for other things.

Nessie was only given food once a day. It was usually mush, and sometimes it had bugs in it. The water tasted odd, but Nessie never asked about it. If it wasn't water, she didn't want to know what it was. She was pretty sure the room was designed to make her go mad, and it was working.

If she ever made it out of there, Nessie was sure she would fall to the ground and kiss the dirt. She didn't care if it was dirty, it was better than this awful room.

Suddenly, the door burst open. The guard was standing there, staring at her. The next thing she knew the guard was motioning for her to follow him. Nessie did as she was told and walked outside. Once there, she saw that she man she thought was the guard was really a short fellow. Nessie could only guess that he was a dwarf and she smiled. "The war is over! We have won!" He told her. Nessie smiled. Finally, things would be normal.

[Peter Pevensie]

PENDING!

I can't approve or deny your application, but there are a few things I would advise you to do. First, you have a lot of spelling and grammar errors which are easy to fix. (For example, "close our" should be "clothes are".)

Another thing is that your character sounds like a bit of a Mary Sue. Don't worry, it's easy to fix - just make your personality more well-rounded! What are her flaws? Her weaknesses?

Just make those easy fixes, and our head admin will look over your app Thanks![/center]

[ness]

Fixed Hope it's better.

[Susan Pevensie]

Denied

I generally do not look that much at spelling because English is not my first language and i'm dyslectic so if there are any more spelling mistakes I'm not going to deny you on that.

But i am going to deny you because of your Mary Sue-ish tendencies. This is your character and i have no idea who you are in real life so this is not saying anything about you as a person but about your character.

Personally, and i also talked it over with the staff, i find that she has allot of mary sue ish tendencies. Firstly your connection with a canon character. In this case Caspian, the fact that you were his playmate while he is five years older then you is just simply not logical. And the same goes for you being taught by his teacher. (this is also something that allot of mary sue's do) Secondly your (second) name is Arwen and your nickname is Nessie. Another thing that we see with Mary Sue OC's is that they tend to take the names of their fav. canon characters of other universes. Yes Tolkien and Lewis were friends but this is TCON not LOTR nor Twilight which has even less to do with TCON. Thirdly you say the same weaknesses as flaws and there is a difference, not to mention they aren't real flaw/weaknesses. Being stubborn well it might annoy others but things like that don't really bother her. I am going to give (perhaps) a ridiculous example but one of my characters is claustrophobic, that is a real bother from time to time. Same for being selfless that is far from a flaw, same being for 'she'll do whatever it takes to help a friend'. Actually these are typical mary sue flaws.

We are generally looking for people who can contribute to the plot. And at the moment we feel as if your character will just be running around not really adding anything. From your RP sample though i can see that you do know how to RP it is just your character (and i repeat) not you as a person that at the moment really wouldn't be working for the site.

Of course you are more then welcome to make another attempt at creating a character or maybe even remodeling Nessiel, though if i can make a suggestion then i'd say take a look at the site canons. These are pre-made and the makers of the characters will help you with them and these will certainly add to our site.

Thanks allot & Good Luck

Susan
- The Admin